It is no surprise to my family and friends that I have always loved clothes and have experimented with them for a long, long time. When I hit puberty I became extremely self-aware of how I could change the way people perceived me just by the way I dressed, but please don’t be miss-lead, I wasn’t a prom queen. I could say it was quite the opposite to be honest, I had facial piercings, stretched ears, purple hair and a very aggressive front.
Although the main reason I was a little ‘punk’ was because of the music I was into, I have to admit that there was a part of me that was trying to compensate my insecurities through a striking image. I didn’t want people to think I was ‘weak’ or ‘delicate’ just because of my height and weight, I wanted to be seen as the fearless teenager I was whilst my body deceived that in my mind.
It was difficult growing up not conforming to what was the socially accepted dressing code, but I also felt embraced by being part of a subculture in a way I new I would never feel as have I tried to fit the status quo mould in which I never would be able to anyway.
I can say now that months shy of being 30 years old, I’m comfortable in my own skin. I will never be tall or extremely slender, but I’m finally starting to be at peace with that.
For years I always wanted to put myself out there and share with the world what I love to do most, which is express my creativity through clothing and styling them. Over 10 years ago I used to be part of the Flickr community that uploaded their daily outfits in the platform, then tried the infamous lookbook.nu, but felt extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable there.
2018 is the year that I have decided to take a risk and give myself the chance to do whatever I want to do! Being a crazy perfectionist, I am my biggest critic, but the fear of failure is the only thing that keeps me from taking the plunge… I hope to conquer that fear!
The fact that I don’t look like what social conformity expects you to look like makes me insecure at times, but I think that letting go of control is something that I need to do in order to grow and be a better person. I am always too afraid of people judging or not liking me, but it’s time to understand that it is impossible to please everyone all the time. I can’t change someone’s perception of me, but I can change how I am affected by it.
I think that social media should be more inclusive without always having the necessity to fit people in a box (petite, plus size, POC, LGBTQ, etc). Although it is useful to cater to a certain audience, keeping yourself broad is also important. Personally speaking, I don’t follow a content creator judging by the way they are physically, but what entices me is being in awe of the content they produce and how it can inspire me.
I hope that you find some sort of inspiration in this little space of mine. In the meantime, what are your thoughts on conformity in social media?